Apply sparingly with a soft cloth to remove greasy Films

I remember the bad promotion for this movie.  It had one of those terrible promotion schemes that basically just featured reveal shots: Tom Hanks.  Philip Seymour Hoffman.  Julia Roberts.  Should have been enough.  Except one crowbar in the cog of movie promotions:  Julia Roberts, our Julia Roberts, our beautiful brunette ray of American sunshine Julia Roberts looked all blonde and weird like a toothy nightmarish Erasorhead.  So I didn’t see it right away, and I think that’s how most people went.

I picked it up at Four Star Video Heaven on impulse, and it has sent me  on a spiralling love affair with Philip Seymour Hoffman.  Have you ever noticed how brilliant that guy is with props?  Even as a fat, mush-mouthed son of a Greek soda-pop maker, he inspires gleeful giggles from me every time he opens a sugar packet or calls someone a cocksucker behind his Wilford Brimley moustache.

And Philip Seymour Hoffman isn’t the only good thing about this movie.  It follows a brash and irreverent womanizing Texas congressman Tom Hanks as he lead the fundng of Afgani troops against the Soviet Union, putting heliocopter-destroying rocket launchers into the well-meaning hands of Afganis to shoot down communism in the 80’s.  Then America screwed it up in the end game, and the rest is pretty much history.   Good movie.

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More Movies

Oh my god I hate this movie. Oh my god I hate this movie. Oh my god I hate this movie. Oh my god I hate this movie. Oh my god I hate this movie. Oh my god I hate this movie. Oh my god I hate this movie. Oh my god I hate this movie. Oh my god I hate this movie. Oh my god I hate this movie. Oh my god I hate this movie. Oh my god I hate this movie. Oh my god I hate this movie.

I felt like I was in hell for the entire second half.  Who saw this movie and thought it was ok?  Was that even an ending?

This movie is so underrated.   So much better than A.I., but then again so is an accidental enima with a garden hose.  An early Ron Howard film, it has all of the aspects of a totally solid sci-fi movie.  Except it’s better because Wilford Brimley and that kid from The Neverending Story are in it.

Thing that have made this movie a total punchline:

• Horny, breakdancing old people.
• Steve Guttenberg in short shorts.
• Alien on human, bright glowing laser sex.
• Steve Guttenberg

In a world jaded by the explosive retinal displays of Baz Luhrmann’s Moulin Rouge and the well orchestrated jolly romp Amadeus, Topsy-Turvy is a sensory disappointment.  This biopic follows the latter part of the career of  Opera cohorts Gilbert and Sullivan.  As a theater veteran, I find rehearsal time as interesting as a nap and that is what comprises the basis of this film.  The costumes were perfect and the makeup was beautiful and skillfull.  But it wasn’t enough to make me care the least bit about this movie in which nothing much happens.  I love the DVD cover.  It’s a splendid DVD cover, full of lies that tricked me into watching this movie.

Note: I think that being familiar with the work of Gilbert and Sullivan would make this movie slightly more interesting.  Also, those interested in the wave of orientalism affecting western culture in the late 19th century and early 20th century would find some good bits to this film.  Also costume designers that hate actors.  Overall there are a few good bits in a very uneventful movie.

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Senility Sets In

When you’ve spent the past month renting a minimum of three DVD’s per day, you start forgetting what you’ve watched.  Not the first week, or days ago, but earlier that day before trading in for your latest choices.  From what I gather, this is what I’ve watched in the past day and a half.

 

Driving Miss Daisy- This was my first viewing of the movie.  I couldn’t keep myself from imagining Jack Black’s performance in Be Kind Rewind imitating Jessica Tandy’s role, making the film both heartwarming and shit splitting hilareous.

Bull Durham– Another first time view, if you don’t count watered down tv viewings, flipping back and forth while Junior or Captain Ron was on commercial break.  Overall, this movie was great.  I may have been the first person since 1993 to actually sit down and watch this movie beginning to end, and I’d say it’s worth doing.  Features the world’s least sexy foreplay scene to date: Kevin Costner unzipping the back of Susan Sarandon’s churchlady dress to reveal a big mole and the top of her above the hip Jockey brand white granny panties.  The sax music in the background really tops it off.

Curse of the Golden Flower– It was a second watching for me, and I was way less impressed with it when seeing it on my 28 inch Sanyo brand TV that I bought from a fellow college kid on Craigslist.  The first time I saw it, I was in a private movie theater on a snakeskin-print couch drinking posh sodas, so don’t hold it against the movie.  It’s a massive textile porn, silk everywhere.

 

Amadeus– This movie reminded me once more just why I hate Sophia Coppola so deeply.  Well, the first reason is the Godfather part III and the second reason is her face, but the third reason is that Amadeus is thousands of times better than Marie Antoinette.  Even though it’s 24 years old it hardly feels dated even though it featured 1770’s styles with 1984 hipness-it doesn’t feel like a 1984 movie.  This is possibly the world’s best biopic, but don’t quote me on that.  I might have just liked the wigs a lot, who the hell knows.

How to Marry a Millionaire– Betty Grable=Cuter than Peaches.  With legs.  Oh and some chicks named Lauren Bacall and Marilyn Monroe were pretty good in it too.  Made me want a hamburger with cole slaw on it, Pabst on the side.

Raging Bull- I’m waiting for my boyfriend to trudge home from the bar in the snow before I watch this.  I don’t know if I should meet him with a cup of hot chocolate or chamomile tea.  I wish I could go out and buy some Pabst, but the law isn’t on my side after 9pm.

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Four Star Movie Picks du Jour

Bananas

The Great Dictator

In Bruges

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Heaven is a Place on Earth

As far as the film industry is concerned, Wisconsin is more of a punchline than a location.  We had Mr. 3000, the bar scene from Love Actually, and Randy Quaid in Milwaukee, Minnesota.  Even then, Milwaukee gets all of the attention.   In the grand scheme, Madison would hardly be on the map if it weren’t for one bright shining beacon: Four Star Video Heaven.

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